


Brian, Brian Everywhere

by bjfic_archivist



Category: Queer as Folk (US)
Genre: Crack, Humor, Short
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2006-08-16
Updated: 2006-08-16
Packaged: 2018-12-26 19:04:12
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 978
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12065130
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bjfic_archivist/pseuds/bjfic_archivist
Summary: Someone is up to no good with Brian's DNA.





	Brian, Brian Everywhere

**Author's Note:**

> Note from IrishCaelan, the archivist: this story was originally archived at [The Brian/Justin Fanfiction Archive](http://fanlore.org/wiki/Brian_Justin_Fanfiction_Archive). To preserve the archive, I began importing its works to the AO3 as an Open Doors-approved project in September 2017. I posted announcements, but may not have reached everyone. If you are (or know) this creator, please contact me using the e-mail address on [The Brian/Justin Fanfiction Archive collection profile](http://archiveofourown.org/collections/bjfic/profile).

How and why Brian Kinney was cloned is hard to say. Well, maybe not _why_ because, you know, the more Brian Kinneys, the better, but how it was done remains a mystery to this day . . . because I'm telling this tale from far in the future. So far that French anti-aging cream can't undo the wrinkles now lining the faces of those who were there . . . but I digress.

It was the summer of 2006 . . . or maybe it was 2007 . . . it's hard to say, because Brian Kinney was always ageless, so the year didn't matter. Anyway, he'd gone to the doctor for one of his annual post-cancer physicals and discovered his sperm count was virtually non-existent. And while he'd never planned to have any children other than Gus, he knew it would be wrong to deprive the world of the wonder that was his genetic makeup.

Michael's new boyfriend, Jeff, worked in a genetics lab, and Brian trusted that he'd keep Brian's donation to science to himself. How wrong he was, because later that night, over a dinner of Cap'n Crunch, Jeff told Michael all about Brian's walk on the genetic wild side.

Things kind of snowballed from there . . . 

***

Justin looked up, glancing out the diner window as he did so, and thought he saw Brian walk by. But it couldn't be, because Brian was sitting next to him.

"Hey." He nudged the older man in the side with his elbow. "You don't have a twin somewhere, do you?"

"Why the fuck would you think I have a twin?"

"Cause a guy who looks exactly like you just walked by." Justin peered out the window again, and pointed. "Look. There he is. Oh, wait, no. He's wearing a purple shirt. But he looks exactly like you, too." He tilted his head and studied Brian for a moment. "You know, if we picked up your clone, and I fucked him while you fuck me, it wouldn't constitute cheating, would it?"

"What?" Brian paled and leaned closer to Justin so he could look out the window and, sure enough, another guy who looked exactly like him walked by, this time wearing a yellow mesh shirt. "People will think that's me! They'll think I'm a walking fashion victim! Do you have _any_ idea what this will do to my reputation?"

"On the other hand, if they have your libido, and your talent when it comes to fucking, they can only build upon the Kinney Legend."

"Fuck the legend."

"Again, that now seems a distinct possibility."

***

Three weeks passed, weeks during which there seemed to be more and more Brian clones populating the city's streets. For there was no doubt in his mind that they were his clones, not just strikingly similar, but actual _clones._

So, go-getter that he was, he decided to get to the bottom of things.

"What do you mean you cloned me and then super-aged the clones?" Brian demanded a short time later, glaring at Jeff across the other man's comic-wallpapered kitchen. "What the fuck were you thinking?"

"I . . . um . . ."

"I asked him to," Michael replied, stepping in front of Jeff as if to defend his boyfriend.

"Um, why?" He crossed his arms over his chest as he stared at his childhood friend.

"Um . . . duh!" Michael threw his arms up in exasperation and stomped back to the bedroom.

***

Babylon, formerly Brian Kinney's playground, was now the playground of the Kinney clones. Justin gazed around in amazement, taking in the four clones leaning against the railing of the catwalk, the seven clones making out with various guys on the dance floor, the two clones chatting at the bar, and the clone leading a trick into the back room.

"It's like a sea of spontaneous orgasms."

"What?"

"Look at them. Look at everyone else looking at them. They're all seconds away from shooting. All because of you."

"And we're surprised by this? Haven't I always been orgasm-inducing? But this is fucking creepy."

"Agreed. But what can we do about it? Mikey and Jeff have done what they've done, and we can't go back. We're just going to have to accept that you have clones. And that those clones have sex . . . with almost anyone . . . cause they're you're clones."

"Well, if me and my clones have to induce orgasms all night, then it's only fair you induce one in me." Brian slid his fingers into the waistband of Justin's jeans and led the smiling man toward the backroom.

***

"For the good of the human race, I think I should kill myself. _All_ of myselves," Brian said, eying the Brian clone who had, for some reason, decided to wear pink paisley. Also, he was fucking Michael, and that was just wrong.

"Then I get to kill Mikey."

"Deal."

"Because I never should have been subjected to _that_ getting fucked by someone who looks like _you."_

"Do you hear me disagreeing?" Brian asked. Mikey grunted as his orgasm hit. He bared his teeth and for the briefest of moments, looked more like a monkey than ever before.

"Oh god, I'm gonna be sick. I . . . just . . . EW!"

***

So they killed the clones. And who could blame them? Anyway, they had Deekins in their back pockets and he, in the grand tradition of mayors, had the police department in his, so no charges were ever filed against Brian and Justin.

And Mikey . . . he went senile shortly after all this happened, but to anyone walking past him in the hospital, he is willing to recount the tale of how he (because in his little world of insanity Justin doesn't exist . . . and neither does reality) and Rage saved Gayopolis from an army of orgasm-inducing Rage clones.

Thus ends the tale of how Gayopolis . . . or Pittsburgh . . . was prevented from becoming Orgasm City . . . much to _some_ people's disappointment . . . 

Yes . . . that was a reference to Todd.

Mikey doesn't care because of the senility.


End file.
